Mother's Day was bitter sweet for me. I woke up to breakfast in bed. The kids were really sweet. They were trying so hard to make me happy - so I spent the day with a smile on my face & tried really hard not to have a pity party that all my children are not here. I succeeded pretty well. We spent the day at the beach (as is our tradition) and I watched my beautiful children play (all but one).
The beach always has a calming effect on me. It's one of my favorite places to be. I love sitting on the shore, listening to the waves and watching the water come rolling in. But the water only comes to a certain point - God keeps it from coming in too far. It's a visual reminder to me that He has everything under control. It's very comforting to me.
I received a call at night from the nurse - they were allowing my son to call for Mothers Day (usually we are only allowed three times a week) Quickly I realized he is not manipulating - he truly is having a very hard time this week being away from me. It's always hard - this week seems to be worse. She said they almost did not let him call because he was acting out so badly. He spent most of the phone call crying ( we were allowed to speak for a whole 5 minutes). He asked if we spent the day at the beach - it seemed to really hurt him that we did. Life usually revolves around him here at the house - it's nearly impossible for it not to between all the medical and mental appointments (therapist, psychiatrist, speech therapy, occupational therapy, pulmonologist, GI doc, nutritionist, behaviorist -- to name a few- you get the idea). I think it's hard for him knowing that life is going on without him being the center. Add into that "he is just a 12 year old little boy with the same emotions of any little boy - he misses his mom."
My husband has put in a request for detail for 90 days. If it gets approved we will be spending the summer in Arkansas - I hope it gets approved. He will then be working in Arkansas for 90 days. This has been hard on everyone my son being so far away. The therapist is afraid that with his low understanding - she's not sure he can get past being so far from us - to him it just feels like he's been abandoned again. Going up once a month just isn't doing enough, but we simply can not afford to go more often - hopefully this detail will be approved so we can go on visiting day every week.
Like the waves crashing on the sea - God has this under control too.
Dancing to the sounds of the waves crashing on life's shore....