bittersweet

Today was a bittersweet day for me.  Monday we start school full swing (we only did the subjects that are in our co-op this week), so I was busy most the day with lesson planning and preparations.  I know 3 of my 4 kids are going to have a fabulous school year.  I have planned wonderful activities for them and my youngest has lesson plans packed full of games and all the "artsy stuff" that she adores.  I am in sweet anticipation of what the year will bring for them.

Well that was the "sweet part".  As I was doing prep work to some of the projects for my youngest - I was sad and happy at the same time.  Happy because she will enjoy learning....sad because this time last year I had to prepare 2 projects not one.  My son is still not medically ready to be home.  It strikes an awful cord in my heart.  Most of you do not realize how long it has been - so I'll share --- it's been 8 months since my son has been in my home. I miss him.  Despite all the many problems - he is so funny and sweet.  I miss the ever source of energy that used to exhaust me.  I miss taking his hand and trying to explain things that just do not come easy to him.  I miss his soft blond hair & saying night time prayers with him.  I miss his unending excitement. 

I am very thankful that he is getting the help he needs.  I am thankful that even though our insurance has exhausted - he will continue getting treatment just in a new environment.

I am thankful for many things - but tonight -- well tonight, I am just a mommy missing her child.

Slow dancing,

Amy 

Hello Florida!

Well our time in Arkansas has come to a close.  My husband is officially back in the Florida office.  I am so pleased to announce our drive back home was without incident....YAY!!!!!!  J

We came home with both feet running!!!  School has started and for a homeschool family that means a bustle of activity.  Both my girls were accepted into a performance company.  This year I have 1 in high school, 2 in middle school and one in elementary -- it will be a busy year -- but a great one!!  We have a full academic schedule as well as a lot of fun extra-curricular activities.

We also are in full swing preparing for our son to come back to Florida in just a little more than a week.  He will not be in our home yet - but it's one step closer.  Please pray for wisdom for us as we apply for the various services he will need.

Thought for the day:  "those who do not laugh at themselves will leave the job to others"

Dancing, dancing, dancing,

Amy

The Glad Game

 My friend Kellie's youngest (who happens to be my youngest daughters best friend) birthday was on Monday.  They were going up to visit her grandma at her grandma’s cabin.  It was decided that we would all rendezvous is Tenn. for the weekend.  My child with RAD could not come with us for 2 reasons :
1) He was sick
2) We haven't had a overnight pass yet & I am not sure our first one should be out of state.
 (It really has been very hard for me making sure the other children still get to do things even though their brother is hospitalized.  I have to often remind myself they have not made the choices he has made, they are not mentally ill and so they should not lose out on normal things just because currently he is )


While Kellie and I talked about the various hotels in the area that would be close to them; Kellie's mom suggested we just stay at the cabin with everyone for the weekend....and so began our adventures.

I cannot tell you the excitement that was resonating in my household.  Kellie is absolutely one of my favorite people in the world and I could not wait to see her - My oldest daughter could not wait to see her middle daughter - and my youngest could not wait to see their youngest. I must say it really works out nicely that my best friend's daughters are my daughter's best friends. { Bill, oldest daughter of Kellie & Kellie’s mom – we were excited to see you too!!! J }

Amanda & Gabe were back from Europe so our housesitting responsibilities were on hold (and they even volunteered to dog sit -- aren't they awesome!) so Dan decided to come with me (YAY!! J)

On the road the van was abuzz with all the talk of seeing everyone when we heard an incredibly loud pop!  Yep - we had a blow out!  But that would be a little too normal -- so we decided to have a double blow-out.  Evidently there had been something in the road and it popped both the driver side tires.  UGH!! Hubby and I got out and assessed the damage - got back in the van and were getting the insurance papers when we heard a loud crack -- now what??  Oh I see some passerby decided the situation didn't look bad enough to them - so they threw a rock through our back windshield completely shattering it!  UGH AGAIN!!

We called our insurance company's road side assistance and it was going to take forever!  Dan saw a Firestone off the exit and said he would walk down and see what could be done.  By the time he returned Tenn. emergency roadside assistance had come.  The very nice man told Dan he would help take the two tires off and take them back to Firestone (which was wonderful because Dan was going to have to walk them down individually).  My youngest said she had to go to the bathroom so the man was nice enough to let her ride with her Daddy to Firestone.  That left me with the 2 oldest on the side of the road.

I have to say - I am incredibly proud of my 2 oldest.  A little bit of bickering began (after all it wasn't the most pleasant of situations) and I gently reminded them that we are a team.  "It doesn't help the team when bad things happen to be ugly with one another -- this is when we need to be encouraging. This isn’t a tragedy – it just an inconvenience”  I was amazed at how quickly they took the cue!  All bickering ceased and kindness started coming from their lips  (seriously -- I'm sooo proud!!!)  While we were sitting there in the heat of the afternoon waiting for Dan to come back with the tires ( he had called and said the tires were being brought in from another shop) - I told the kids lets name the things we can be thankful for because the situation could be so much worse.  Again - I was so proud -- they came up with a very long list......Daddy decided to come with us, there was a breeze, it's not raining, the man let Mandy go to so she could go to the bathroom....the list went on & on.  (Kellie was so tickled that we did this -- she started teasing me..."it's the glad game"  I had to laugh at myself -- so for all you Pollyanna fans out there ....I have renamed our “thankful list” to the "glad game")  Then they found various ways to entertain themselves without being irritable.  My daughter texted everyone.  My son made creations -- amazing what this child can make out of sticks, rubber strands and duct tape!  It was impressive.  I read a book and prayed that the time would go quickly.

At length - they came back -- the youngest very proud to announce "Daddy let me have 2 cups of coffee!!!"  I said "I can see that" & I could -- she was literally bouncing all over the place.  While the men set to work putting the tires back on - the two youngest set to work embarrassing their older sister.  The youngest stood on the overpass waving at all the cars delighting when they would wave back and my son was pretending to breakdance.  (Oh the trials of a 15 year old sister!)

Oh! and yall will get a kick out of this!!!  Remember the Plexiglas window my husband had fashioned a month or so ago?  He had stuck it in the trunk when we got the car fixed -- so he just ducked taped it to the back where the windshield was supposed to be.  I had to laugh -- it was great -- the wind would not be whipping through the van and my son was saying "look we have a redneck,  hippy van!" (the duct tape was my daughters crafting duct tape - it was tie die)

So off we went in our "redneck - hippy van" to the mountains of Tenn. Our van was to remain that way for a couple of days -- because it's the weekend - no one replaces glass on the weekend.  We were out to make a fashion statement.  I cannot tell you how happy I was when we finally arrived! (we got in a little after midnight - the original time was 7pm)

What a blessing the next couple of days were!  No internet and no phone (texting was available)- just beautiful peaceful mountains and a gorgeous lake view.  It was such a peaceful feeling watching my son & husband fish in the paddle boat while the girls played with their friends in the lake.  It was so nice taking long walks around the lake with Kellie -- sipping coffee on the front porch first thing in the morning watching the chipmunks and humming birds – playing games with both families at night - I can't tell you the last time I had such a wonderful peaceful, relaxing time - it was heaven.  It was preparing me for this weekend... but that's another post...

I really have so many things to be glad about…

Dancing & playing the glad game,

Amy

manipulation

Wow - the more I know about RAD the more I think many politicians must have RAD. J.  A child with RAD is a master in manipulation - which can drive a parent insane - take this week for instance.  My child had a pass so my husband picked him up from the hospital.  In front of the nurses he was loving all over my husband -- hyper and incredibly happy to see him.  The cuteness factor was off the charts.  Then as soon as they leave the hospital and get into the car the hyperness came to a dead stop.  My husband did his best to engage my son in conversation and could only get one word responses.  The pass went okay - but when it was time to take him back - everything was played all over again.  In the car it was hard to get him to engage in conversation, but when he was taken up to the ward he was positively a delight - hugging all over my hubby and saying how much he misses everyone.  With an audience we always get a lot of love and attention.  It can be very irritating at times because if you do not play along then everyone thinks you are such a bad parent -- and the last thing I'm going to do is play along in a lie.  I cherish the real times I get hugs and kisses -- when there doesn't have to be an audience but they are just given because he wants to show love.  I’m not saying the real thing doesn’t sometimes happen with an audience – but if it’s not happening without one….well…

I was complaining about this to God and all I could feel was God saying "I get that all the time"...Okay God - not talking about me here - but my kids -- let’s stay on topic.  But it's true - as Christians, when we are in a group - my goodness how much we love God and are so thankful for what He has done - but how much of that love do we show Him without an audience.  Hmmmm....”Christian RAD behavior” from many of us that would judge the RAD children for doing it to their parents. 

I do not know a lot of things - but this I do know - when a RAD child only shows affection in public it's irritating ; I usually don't want the show because it's not real  & I don't want to be a RAD Christian -- I don't have the excuses my child has - so time to shape up and make sure I’m giving the same amount of affection in private as I do in public.

Dancing in conviction,

Amy

Teamwork

Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe my week!   My son's insurance exhausted on Monday.  He is now officially self-pay status at the hospital.  I can't even tell you  how that scared me.  I'm not sure of the cost of this residential facility (we haven't been home to receive the insurance statements), but the one in Florida was in the ballpark of $20,000 a month.  I do not know anyone who can afford that - maybe the price is different when you are self-pay--- I have no idea. However; an outside agency has agreed to pay for 30 days of care.  My heart is so thankful.  He cannot come back home yet, he isn’t ready.  That probably would have meant foster care which would have eradicated the therapy work that has been done to date.  Putting an Attachment Disorder Kid in foster care doesn’t exactly help with attachment L.  So praise God that is not happening J.

The frustrating part of my week has to do with teamwork.  There are many people on my son's team - doctors, therapists, nurses, advocate, family, HKI, business office, my child, etc.  There are many separate teams from different agencies working together.  This calls for a tremendous amount of teamwork.  I was really impressed with everyone on the team minus one individual.  We had till Tuesday at 9am to get the medical packet into the insurance agency's hands.  Everyone was doing their part.  (If you have never had your child in residential then you have no idea of the mountain of paperwork that has to be completed by various individuals – especially when they are dually diagnosed with both mental and physical conditions.)  The packet hinged on one little thing...a phone call that could only be completed by one person.  Beginning on Thursday we began asking this individual to make the phone call.  By Friday everyone was asking this individual to make the phone call - by Monday some of us were begging for this individual to make the phone call - others of us were demanding he make the phone call.  Yes, you are correct - he didn't make the phone.  Well I guess he did - after 10am on Tuesday.  Too late!  The packets for residential had already been picked up - we have to wait another 7 days to apply -- then there is a 7-10 day review process.  UGH!!!

I fail to see what was so difficult in placing a phone call. It's such a little thing.   Because this professional failed to do his part of the teamwork we are waiting another week.  A week that during this time my son's “open spot" at the other hospital could be given to someone else.  Another week that was unnecessary to have to be paid for in an uninsured spot.  Another week that my son knows he is going somewhere else and has to have anxiety about it.  Another week that our lives hang in the balance - I'm not sure what happens if he doesn't get this spot at the other hospital.  I guess this is where faith comes in...

I want to encourage you today.  Everyone is part of a team in some way - whether it is at work, family life or at play.  Make sure you do your part - only you can do your part and everyone suffers when your part is not done correctly.  You know the acronym for TEAM - Together Everyone Achieves More - it's only partly true - this acronym makes it sound like things can still be achieved without everyone doing their part - just not as much.  Sometimes nothing can be achieved when everyone doesn't do their part.  Be the best part of a team today that you can be - and remember - it's the little things that matter.

Dancing in frustration & then hope & then frustration & then hope,

Amy