About Me

My photo
Life is an adventure. Sometimes I yearn for boredom, yet it never comes. This is an account of my struggles & triumphs- my struggle to know God & understand the "why" behind it all. "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain" This is just me - learning to dance - sometimes gracefully, but most the time - stepping on my 2 left feet..

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Strong Enough- Matthew West

Have you ever been so very tired that you really don't know how to keep going? That has been this week for me. On the 4th of July my oldest son woke at 4am in incredible pain. We took him to the ER and he has a tumor. A TUMOR!!!!

We were told to bring him to the doctor the next day because of it being the 4Th nothing would be done until then - but he definitely needs surgery. I thought "Really??? How much more are you going to give me God? I can't handle this too."

The next morning I called his pediatrician and told her everything. She attempted to put in the referral to the specialist....Our insurance company would not let it go through -- we are out of state for more than 30 days - we have to switch regions.....UGH!!!! After explaining to the agent the type of pain med my child is on every six hours to maintain the pain I got her to authorize one visit -- but no more - we have to switch regions, which takes time. (to give you a little clue as to his pain - they offered him morophine in the ER). We are having problems talking to a person at the specialist office - first of all it has to be doc to doc consult for the first visit. Our doctor has left several messages...UGH! AGAIN!

I cannot tell you how tired I am of fighting for every medical appointment in my children's lives. (not to mention everything else I have to fight for in their lives). I am fighting on a daily basis for treatment for my child with RAD and now it is starting with my older son. The diagnosis & watching him in pain is hard enough -- I shouldn't have to be fighting to get him a medical appointment! Same thing with my other son...the things I deal with on a daily basis take so much of my energy....that the system zaps what little I have left! And I really need that energy right now -- as of the 4th he's not doing so great.

Today I am weary...I'm simply not strong enough for this...but at least I can rest in the fact that He is strong enough for the both us.

I hope you listened to the song - it's beautiful.

Dancing wearily,



  1. Since we were talking about Job the other day, I thought of these words from Job:

    Job 5:8 "But as for me, I would seek God, And I would place my cause before God; 9 Who does great and unsearchable things, Wonders without number. 10 "He gives rain on the earth And sends water on the fields, 11 So that He sets on high those who are lowly, And those who mourn are lifted to safety."

  2. Love, hugs, and prayers. You are not alone. God will not abandon you. I had my first tumor in my leg removed when I was eight. God is still holding me up.

  3. Dancing wearily....
    But still dancing!

  4. Tracy,
    Thanks for these verses - you are always such an encouragement to me!

  5. GB's Mom
    Thank you for the love, hugs and prayers & the encouragement - it always helps hearing from those that have already walked through this fire! Hugs back :)

  6. Debbie,
    I miss you girl! I can hardly believe that it has been 16 years -- funny feels like yesterday....