Sixteen years ago we were living in Japan. This was a wonderful chapter in my life. We had a great military church & things just seemed to be going our way. The only thing we lacked was a child. How I yearned for a little one to hold, but month after month was brought to tears.
We put ourselves on the adoption list & were very hopeful - every time we went to the orphanage with the church all I could imagine was taking one of those little ones home. But it was not to be. In September of 1995 my husband was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor - our world crashed. All I remember of that doctors visit is the x-ray and the doctor saying "see this right here - it's not supposed to be there" He said many other things - but I really can't tell you what they were - I just sat there - thinking over and over "Oh my God - my husband has cancer." Then the final words that doctor said "Do you have a will?" We were sent from the doctor’s office to the legal office on base to make my husbands will. I was so scared and sad. Our friends Carol & Tim accompanied us to the legal office (wonderful people - if you know them, then you have been blessed.). I remember commenting to Carol what a pretty day it was - it wasn't right for it to be so pretty - when I was so gloomy, if God cared it would be a gloomy day. We all went into the legal office and Dan and Tim went back to do Dan's will - I didn't want to go back, Carol sat and held my hand in the waiting room. When we walked outside it was the most gloomy depressing day you ever saw - overcast & yucky! I looked at Carol and said "I feel better". It didn't last but a few minutes, but I still believe God sent me that yuckiness to know He cared.
Many other things happened - but I want to get to the point of today's blog - so just know-- I'm skipping a lot. I was so distraught - I needed assurance that Dan would be okay. So I did something daring ( at least for the Baptist that I am). I prayed for a sign. I told God I needed assurance that Dan would be with me so I asked for the only thing I could think of that I wouldn't reason away. I asked to get pregnant. I told no one - just hoped and prayed. In October I felt as if my life were over when my menstrual cycle came. I couldn't quit crying. Finally Dan got it out of me & he said "Amy - we are Baptist - we do not pray for signs, we just trust God -- it doesn't mean anything" But God knew my heart. He knew that I wasn't asking if He was God or if He was powerful -- I knew He was God and I knew He was ALL powerful - I just wanted to know that my husband was not going to die.
Dan had his surgery in November at Balboa Naval Medical Center. It was a 22 hour surgery (Dan's an overachiever -- no regular run of the mill brain tumor for him J). I was allowed to see him at the 36 hour mark. They prepared me - "Your husband does not look like your husband - there is a lot of swelling" They were right - He had (I think) 5 arterial lines and a blood drainage tube coming out of his very bandaged head. What I saw should have terrified me - but when I laid eyes on Dan a peace that I cannot explain washed over me and all I could think was "I'm pregnant & you are going to be okay" I was not late yet - so there was no "indicator" of pregnancy - just God speaking to my heart. It was true - I was pregnant with my beautiful baby girl. Today that baby turns 15. She has been such a shining light in my life and an ever present reminder of God's unending love.
I want to encourage you today with this "God is able & God is willing. He wants to be there for you. Let Him -- you'll be so glad you did.
Dancing in God's love,