HELP POLICE!

The alarm rang at 6 am and everyone sprang into action instantly anticipating our day – okay – not really – the alarm rang and I moaned and everyone else lay motionless.  I didn’t sleep at all last night – anticipating leaving is never easy & this has been a very eventful trip.  With quite a bit of coaxing the dog and I finally got everyone out of bed & the start of our day had begun.  My husband went to the hospital to pick up my son and bring him back to the hotel – we were meeting downstairs in the restaurant for breakfast.  The girls and I had everything completely packed and ready to go by the time the guys had returned.  Breakfast went off without a hitch – everyone got along nicely - only one spill and I actually got to drink my tea while it was still hot – WOW!  We were the picture of a normal family – ahhh!  Don’t ya just love fairy tales!  I do!

Now that breakfast was over it was the inevitable time to take my son back to the hospital – so my husband went to check out of the hotel – the children and I were waiting by the door.  He was walking toward me with “that look”  Oh no – I knew things were going too smoothly – what now?

“What’s wrong Baby?”  I asked.  “We need to get up to the parking garage – there is  a police officer at the front desk saying that a van on the 2^nd floor was broken into” – “Now honey – the 2^nd floor is very large with lots of vans” – still there was something in the pit of my stomach.  Yep – you guessed it – we rounded the corner to find our van with the front door open – glass everywhere from what use to be the door window and a present from the unhappy thief – a rock. (I say unhappy thief because there wasn’t anything in the van for him to steal).   Two security guards were standing there surveying the situation.  They radioed the front desk – the police officer had already left, another would have to be called for a report to be filed – we would have to wait & wait & wait.  My little chickadees began to get their feathers all ruffled – truth be known –  I wanted to let my feathers be ruffled too – but Mommy hens do not have the luxury of letting their feathers be ruffled over such minor annoyances.  So instead, I calmly said “this is not that big of a deal, nothing was in the van for a thief to steal”  Then my husband suggested that the children and I wait in the lobby until the report was taken and he got ahold of the insurance company.

After we got all that taken care of, we took my son back to the hospital and made several phone calls to get the window fixed – it’s Memorial Day – no one has the exact piece of glass – it has to be ordered – can’t do that till tomorrow – of course.  So instead I dropped my hubby at Home Depot to get some plastic and I took the girls to Hobby Lobby while he fixed the car up.  (Hobby Lobby – we do not have these in the part of Florida that I live in – LOVE this store!!!!)

When I came out I was nothing short of amazed!  I’m not sure amazed is even the word.  I went in expecting him to cover the hole with a plastic sheet and some duct tape – what else is there to do right?   Okay obviously I know very little about these things – he had purchased Plexiglas and some hand cutting tool and shaped a window. – It looks just like a glass window!  He did have to trim it with duct tape – but it’s Plexiglas – not a plastic sheet – it’s a window! - Honestly I’m beginning to think there is nothing this man can’t do. J

So we are now back on the road and I’m thinking “whew—I’m glad our adventures are over for the day” (queue music please…dun dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnn) Sure they are…  We are just driving and all of the sudden my window (passenger side) goes down – for no apparent reason.  And what’s worse – it will not come back up.  Okay – at this I do laugh – it’s just too funny -- why is this happening –   so hubby used what Plexiglas he had left (about half a windows worth) and the rest is made of – you guessed it a plastic sheet.  But at least he can see through the window and my hair is not whipping all over the place.

It’s 8:00pm and we are driving through Mississippi.  I am NOT making the mistake of saying that I’m glad our adventures are over again!  But I am hoping that we are going to have a calm evening.

Dancing in the chaos,

Amy

Mommy Pride

I am feeled with pride at the accomplishments of my oldest son this weekend.  While we have been in Arkansas, my son has been at Youth in Government Junior Assembly in Florida presenting his bill.  He presented it in 2 different committees and then it passed to the General Assembly where it was debated and then voted upon -- his bill was passed!  When I say "his bill" - I mean the bill he wrote and researched himself.  He also came in 2nd for the "Outstanding Statesman Award".  We have been texting back and forth all weekend in between sessions -- I'm so glad for technology - what did we ever do without it? 

My youngest son's pass went much better today.  We had no unexpected "plumbing problems" :) .  And his behavior yesterday was ....well let's just say less than desirable - it was much better today.  Structure is key to behavior for mentally ill children -- there wasn't much structure yesterday.  But that's part of learning -- life doesn't always hand us structure - no matter how hard we try.

We leave tomorrow.  We requested and were granted a breakfast pass.  I think this will be a nice note to leave on.

Thank you everyone for all your prayers - I appreciate them so much!

Dancing the Mommy Pride Dance,

Amy

My Cup Overfloweth - Well Sort Of

It's Labor Day Day Weekend and time to go visit my son in residential.  Through a course of unplanned events we decided to take the dog with us.  We contacted the military liaison for the hospital and he said it wouldn't be a problem - so off we went - my husband, my 2 daughters, myself and the dog.   (My other son was going to a Youth in Government function).

Eighteen hours later we arrived at the base TLF facilities to be informed that there was some form of miscommunication somewhere because they did not know there was a pet coming - there were no more pet rooms available.  UGH!-- Okay -- regroup, this isn't really that big of a deal - just find a hotel that will take pets.  I was overcome with disappointment -- the facilities on base are like an apartment -- it's much easier to "simulate home life" from those facilities than a hotel room, oh well.

We called many hotels and finally found one close to the hospital that took pets and booked it.  It was a well known chain, so we were pretty comfortable in doing so.  The next morning we went to family therapy with my son and then brought him back to the hotel room. We all sat down to eat lunch together and the toilet began to overflow & I mean OVERFLOW!  It wouldn't stop.  We called maintenance and my husband turned off the water to the toilet because the water had flowed out of the bathroom and the carpets were flooded.

Obviously we requested a room change - the carpets were soaked!  The front desk told me that no rooms were currently available but housekeeping was cleaning the rooms and one would be available shortly - so my husband took the children down to the pool and the dog and I stayed in the room and waited for the call to say our new room would be available - at length it was ready.  We moved into the room right next door.

While the kids were playing and my husband was gone getting dinner I heard something. I said, "what's that sound - did someone leave on the shower?"  My youngest daughter got up and went in the bathroom - she came out and said, "Mom the roof is leaking"  Leaking was an understatement.  The roof was cracked and there was a steady stream coming through -- UGH!!!!  & GRRR at this point.  So I called the front desk and the manger answered "This is George"  "George - my roof is leaking"  I actually felt bad for him - grr went quickly away -- he said he would send someone right up.  RAD child was already on the phone telling Daddy all about it.

By the time Daddy came home with the pizza he also had us another hotel reservation :).

Well, the hospital told us to "simulate regular family living" we did our best -- overflowing toilets and leaky pipes - doesn't get any better than that.

Wonder what will happen on tomorrows pass.

Dancing in the flood waters,

Amy

A Rough Night

Last night was rough.  I laid in my bed all last night full of anxiety, so I prayed.  I will say all of this with my son has taught me to pray.  I still do not pray like I should, but I sure do talk to God a lot more than I did before.

Yesterday evening was "family therapy".  My husband and I go to my son's "Florida therapist" office and my son son meets with his therapist at the hospital and we all "conference call".  First all the adults meet together to discuss the week then we bring my son in - last night my son did not get brought in - we spent the entire session brain storming.

I am allowed 3 phone calls a week for approximately 10 minutes apiece.  Saturday he was having a meltdown  so he was not allowed his phone call.  They did let him call on Sunday when he had finally pulled it together.  Last night the same thing happened - I called and was told "we are not denying his phone call because we are not allowed to do that - but he really can't talk when his behavior is like this"  And they are right - he can't.. he called in a couple hours when he had calmed down.

He only seems to do this when it gets close to time for us to visit (we are going up this weekend).  It drives me crazy!  It puts my mind in a whirl going into all kinds of directions.  Does he not want to see me?  Is he just anxious that he will not be able to earn a pass?  Does leaving the hospital grounds cause him anxiety?  Is he just testing the limits to see what he can do and still get a pass?  Why exactly is he acting this way -- mental illness is about to drive me crazy!

I want him to get better so badly - the progress seems so slow at times - the hurt is so deep.

But this too, I will do my bet to give to God - hopefully I will not snatch it back before the end of the day.

Anxiously Dancing,

Amy

worry

After I told my children I was writing a blog, they each decided they wanted to write one too.  My son decided he wanted to write one about life with a RAD brother.  To begin with I didn't think it was such a good idea - then I decided it would be good therapy for him.  He could keep it a secret blog like I did in the beginning with only strangers reading it.
Then a couple of days ago he asked the dreaded question, "Mom, can I publish my blog to my facebook like you do?"  Fear of him being hurt engulfed me - this is not something I wanted to see him do.  So I sat down and had a "heart to heart" with my baby.  I reminded him about when it came out that his brother had a mental illness.  He knew that we had to leave one of our homeschool groups we were in because his brother was not welcome in it.  But he did not know the full extent of everything.  So, if he is going to put his heart on the line, he needs to know what he is doing.  I shared with him how to this day there are a couple of women in our group that when they see me they turn around and walk the other way (hard to believe I know - but it's happened too many times now to be a coincidence).  His little heart broke as he realized the reason that a friend that once came over our house that no longer does.  Sometimes mothers do not want their children associating with anyone in the family.  I explained to him that he is taking a big chance - "some people may not want to be your friend anymore once they know."  His response surprised me.  He said, "then they really are not my friends, are they?"

He asked me why Christians responded the way they did when they found out about his brother.  Some of these people are really good Christians.  "Well, I've had a long time to think about this.  I hurt for a very long time over the way the Christian community responded to our situation.  I think I understand a little better now.  People fear what they do not understand.  Especially in spiritual realms.  Mental illness rocks our image of what the Christian life is supposed to be.  Typically - we just can't "pray it away" or the afflicted doesn't die.  So the problem doesn't go away -- it stays and it serious.  The Christian community can come along side a mother of a terminally ill child - but a mentally ill child -- well that's a different matter.  It rocks their world.  It's totally out of their comfort zone.  I think, just as God is using your brother to teach us, He is also using him to teach others.  None of us are perfect, we are all just learning."

He agreed and said he still wanted to post his blog.  So he did.

Dancing with worry,

Amy

6,570 days

A couple of years ago there was a Sea World commercial that made a lasting impression on me.  It showed a couple of kids playing with their parents at Sea World - the narrator said, "There are 6,570 days of childhood; which ones will your child remember?"  Wow! 6,570 days - when it's put that way it really doesn't seem that long.  As parents we are given a very short time to shape the ideals & morals of our children.  Kind of gives new meaning to when the pastor says "they are not really yours - they are God's - He's only loaned them to you for a little while."

I'm not trying to imply that we do not have significant influence over our children when they are grown - but it's not the same.  Now is the time to impart whatever is most important to us -   this is the molding time.  What is your goal for the end result - it comes fast -- we need a plan.  Today I attended a high school graduation for a very dear friend's oldest daughter.  I absolutely love this family and her daughter has grown into quite a beautiful young woman - on the inside and out.  It didn't just happen - my friend raised her daughter with the end result in mind.  I love watching her parenting style - she parents with purpose & love.  I aspire to do the same.

6,570 days -- by the time they are 9 years old you only have 3, 295 days left.  Some of us start with a shorter time - I adopted one of my sons at 6 years old - that's 4, 380 days until he becomes an adult by legal definitions.  Many of you have done the same.  6,570 days (or less) to impart all of me to my children - that's a huge job!  May I be worthy to the task.

God has given each of us that are parents a wonderful gift of 6,570 days - may we cherish each one of them.  May we not just be overwhelmed with the task - but also enjoy the wondrous gift we have been given.

Dancing in awe of my 6,570 days,

Amy

What is RAD??

I know many of you are wondering "What in the world is RAD?"  I am only going to touch on the highlights in this blog - but I really encourage you to view www.attachmenteducationnetwork.com for a more comprehensive look on attachment disorder.

Basically when a young child is traumatized (abused, neglected or has had multiple placements) it impairs brain development.  The part of the brain that deals with emotional attachment is damaged, thus inflicting a whole host of undesirable symptoms -- the worst of which is how hard it is for the child to attach.

I do want to stress that there is hope for these children!  They need specialized therapy with a therapist who understands Attachment Disorder.  They need an extremely structured environment with consistent firm, loving parenting.  One does not parent these children the way other children are parented - they need firm boundaries so they can feel safe.  They need training in how to be empathetic - how to love and receive love.  These were basic skills not given to them as babies - we have to do that now.

Is this a spiritual problem?  Well I believe that Satan preys on our weaknesses.  So as with any area in our lives that we are weak in -- yes this can be a real spiritual battle.  My friend Tracy and I were talking about this subject just the other day - she brought out a very good point.  Satan is at the throne of God "accusing Christians".  As parents of RAD children, we are constantly being accused by both the child and others who do not understand.  Our child accuses us of everything!  People listening to our child will sometimes accuse us of the very thing they are saying, or we are accused because we parent this child differently than our other children OR we are accused because people do not think we are good parents to our other children.  Because many health professionals do not understand RAD - we are even accused by them.  So then we understand that this part may very well be a spiritual battle.  But in this too - there is so much hope because we know who to turn to especially when it's a spiritual battle.

What I really want to stress is that there is so much hope for these children!  It is a long journey - but worth it in the end.  These children can learn to love and be loved.  They can learn how to be important members of society and loving members of their families.

Dancing hopefully,

Amy