A Rough Night

Last night was rough.  I laid in my bed all last night full of anxiety, so I prayed.  I will say all of this with my son has taught me to pray.  I still do not pray like I should, but I sure do talk to God a lot more than I did before.

Yesterday evening was "family therapy".  My husband and I go to my son's "Florida therapist" office and my son son meets with his therapist at the hospital and we all "conference call".  First all the adults meet together to discuss the week then we bring my son in - last night my son did not get brought in - we spent the entire session brain storming.

I am allowed 3 phone calls a week for approximately 10 minutes apiece.  Saturday he was having a meltdown  so he was not allowed his phone call.  They did let him call on Sunday when he had finally pulled it together.  Last night the same thing happened - I called and was told "we are not denying his phone call because we are not allowed to do that - but he really can't talk when his behavior is like this"  And they are right - he can't.. he called in a couple hours when he had calmed down.

He only seems to do this when it gets close to time for us to visit (we are going up this weekend).  It drives me crazy!  It puts my mind in a whirl going into all kinds of directions.  Does he not want to see me?  Is he just anxious that he will not be able to earn a pass?  Does leaving the hospital grounds cause him anxiety?  Is he just testing the limits to see what he can do and still get a pass?  Why exactly is he acting this way -- mental illness is about to drive me crazy!

I want him to get better so badly - the progress seems so slow at times - the hurt is so deep.

But this too, I will do my bet to give to God - hopefully I will not snatch it back before the end of the day.

Anxiously Dancing,

Amy